November 4th, 2008

Aries: It’s election day. In your pants.

Taurus: We totally respect your attempt at voting booth sex. Too bad your ass + the lever = accidentally voting for McCain.

Gemini: We’d do Sarah Palin, but she’s just too easy. To make fun of, you pervert.

Cancer: Voting for McCain is like sleeping with an old guy. Confusing, a little smelly and your friends will never let you forget it.

Leo: You think that Joe Biden’s sexy, and that’s OK. What’s not OK is naming your vibrator the Bidenator.

Virgo: We know you’re excited about your relationship, but it’s not going to work out. Because you’re a Democrat and they’re a retarded monkey.

Libra: Dating a Republican is OK, but remember, that baby will eventually be born. Have fun raising the next generation of mavericks.

Scorpio: A vote for McCain means you’re voting for everyone McCain voted for. Get it? Because McCain is like a sexually transmitted disease.

Sagittarius: We know you hate Bush. But come on, get down there already.

Capricorn: Voting for Obama is like sleeping with a black guy. Satisfying, a little scary and may piss off your grandparents

Aquarius: Making fun of Obama makes you racist. Making fun of McCain will get you laid.

Pisces: You might have the wrong idea about the term “political party”. Never mind, keep the red and blue jello shots coming.